It’s Friday, and that means it’s time to hit the mailbag! Let’s see what we got . . . ooh! A two-fer.
Dear Auntie Etta,
My name is Ronnie Lambert and I’m a junior in high school. I’ve been crushing on one of my best friends, Shawn, for two years. I think this year I totally have a chance with him. Except there’s this new guy in school, Gavin. He won’t leave me alone. He’s. Always. There! How do I get rid of him so I can finally have my chance with Shawn?
Kidnappers have always been a preferred method of mine for getting rid of stalkers. Lacking resources for that (high school can be murder on finances), I would recommend the good old-fashioned “cry enough to make him feel guilty and then while he’s distracted, make a move on the guy you want.” Okay, so it’s not old-fashioned, but it might work!
Let me know how it goes, would you?
Hi Auntie Etta.
It’s me again, Ronnie. So I was totally wrong about Shawn and Gavin. So much so that I followed Gavin to another planet and completely changed the course of my life. I even have a new set of parents (long story). I really like Gavin–I think I even love him. But now my new mom has betrothed me to someone else. She won’t listen to reason and says the betrothal can’t be broken. What should I do?
Pfft. All betrothals can be broken unless you did something like tie your souls together or whatever. Actually, that might work, but do it to Gavin. Fight fire with fire? Lacking that, we could always revisit the kidnapping thing and get you and your (hopefully last) boyfriend out of the scenario entirely.
Sheesh. And here I complained when my mother grounded me.
If you have any questions for Auntie Etta, you can email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.