11 comments on “Mixed Signals: What Are You Trying to Tell Me?

  1. You know, I totally understand about the conflicting messages regarding friendships and the like. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am, as someone once memorably put it, “socially weird.” (The full quote is “socially weird in compatible ways,” and was used by someone who thought that the guy I eventually married should get together with me.) Let me put it this way: I grew up in this area. I returned here ten years ago. It has only been in the last two years that I’ve been able to induce friends to come over to my house at all—and I’m an extrovert. I need human contact.

    Do I know what I’m doing “wrong”? Well, no, or I’d fix that, obviously. Or maybe not, if I thought the price was too high. (That might be part of the issue, actually.) Some of the people I think of as good friends are folk I hardly see in person due to geographical constraints, while a lot of the people who live nearby are superficial friends at best.

    I don’t know. I wouldn’t mind seeing more of you, but there’s these things called “work” and “kids” that seem to be getting in the way…

  2. I can tell you that the most powerful scene I ever saw in a movie was in “Good Will Hunting.” When Robin Williams is telling Matt Damon “It’s not your fault.” Matt’s character responds with a cocky answer and Robin comes back, a few times if I recall; “It’s not your fault.” Well into my 40s I could not stop the tears. I had many a lot of progress overcoming my childhood by that time. But t was at that moment that I realized I didn’t have to make up for anybody anywhere. The person I needed affirmation from was me. I was responsible for me. It was an epiphany that I still hold closely.

  3. Aww, Etta! I love you! I know we’ve never met in real life, but from chatting on FB and working together at PDMI, I feel you and I have a lot in common. I’m also painfully shy in person. I have to give myself a pep-talk before I do anything social around strangers. I’m only “myself” around family and people I’ve known for a long time, but even then, they don’t know the real me, the me that only exists in my mind. Just want you to know you’re not alone in the painfully shy factor. I think you’re a wonderful woman. You always seem kind and warm-hearted to me. You are fun and a bit nerdy (Sailor Moon fan!) but you don’t come across as a “nerd” in a negative way, as the label often implies… I always thought you were comfortable being you. At least that is how you always come across to me. But I know from my own personal experience that faking it online is a lot easier than faking it in real life. This comment is getting long, so I’ll let it end here, but you have my email address if you even want to chat. 🙂 – Jen

  4. That is so beautiful. I’ve learned to love me too as I’m one amazing person. Look in the mirror and you too will see this beautiful person looking straight back at you. Tell yourself some loving words, I’m speacil, I’m kind, I’m beautiful and then listen to your thoughts, as your soul will talk right back to you. Xx

  5. This is a great post! I’m a guy, but I feel a lot of the same things as you. We’re all lost out here and I think most people just won’t admit it. I get the same mixed messages on the guy side as far as what’s expected of me, what makes a guy ‘cool’ or ‘hot’ and what makes them jerks–most of the time it’s the same stuff! I also haven’t had a lot of relationships and never understood why.

    I think your best bet is to do what makes you happy and validate yourself. That’s not a magic formula, but it beats waiting for other people to validate you and make you feel good about yourself.

    • Indeed, men do get many of the same crossed signals! I hope we can reach a point where the message is simply ‘be you’ and that’s IT. 🙂

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