Lady MacBeth’s Memories: Now You Too Can Bathe in the Blood of Your Enemies!

I would like to introduce you to the newest body wash I purchased. This stuff:

For those who can’t read the fine print, this is Caress’ Fine Fragrance which has 12-hour scent release. “Love Forever” is the name, and it has the beguiling scent of roses. How romantic and lovely! Even we single gals can totally get into this supposed sensual experience of beautiful rose scent that is supposed to effuse the air every time our skin is touched.

I bought this stuff ’cause I love the scent of roses, and if I’m going to smell like anything all day every time I scratch my nose, I’d rather it be roses.

All was going well as I was getting cleaned up after a crafting spree. I hadn’t gotten mess on anything except my hands, and it was mostly just glue and clay color. No stains on clothes. Go me!

And then . . . it happened. I squeezed some of the body wash into my hand . . . and . . .

Cue Psycho theme.

WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY WERE THEY THINKING?! I do not feel as if I have poured the essence of red roses on my hands. I feel as if I just poured the blood of the still living onto my hands in a bid for eternal youth. Not that I’ve ever done that, of course. It went out of style ages ago. Besides, blood stains are so hard to get out of clothes (as most anyone with a uterus well knows).

Really, I think Caress missed the boat on this one, and possibly the plane and train as well. And, so, out of the goodness of my heart, here is an open letter I will be sending to the company to give them a nudge in the right direction.

Dear Caress,

I recently purchased your Love Forever body wash, and, boy, you guys have missed SUCH an opportunity! Don’t market this stuff as a romantic experience! (Unless some people are into those kinds of kinks. I don’t judge.) Here are some of MY suggestions on how to better promote this stuff:

Death’s Red Kiss: Relive the days when Necromancy wasn’t forbidden
Lady MacBeth Memories: Now you too can bathe in the blood of your enemies
Serial Intentions: Indulge your homicidal side without going to jail
The Red Wedding: Only the bloody best for fantasy lovers and would-be kings alike

See? You open up entirely new marketing fields if you just think outside the knife drawer box.

Sincerely, Stacy
P.S. If you use any of these, I totally want a cut.

So, what do you guys think? What’s the biggest missed marketing opportunity that you’ve seen? Can you think of more slogans for Caress to use in lieu of their (failed) romantic attempt? Would you use this stuff, or do you prefer NOT to feel like a horror movie? Sound out in the comments!

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Looking for a good book? Try SHADOW ON THE SEA, a short story with angels, destined love, and just a hint of ancient evil! (Kindle) Want some adventure with vampires and ghosts? Check out GHOST EYES, and explore the gray space between life, death, and eternal love. (Kindle). Prefer your romance with some high fantasy? Grab CHRONICLE OF DESTINY (Kindle) and it’s sequel, CHRONICLE OF SUMMER (Kindle). Into faeries tales with a modern twist? The second District book, THE CARMICHAEL FILE, is now live on Amazon (Kindle) The first book, THE SHAUGHNESSY FILE, will be re-released soon!

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