Warning: There be discussion of boobies ahead!
Comic trimmed from a piece by JollyJack on DeviantArt.
The bane of my existence has always been my breasts. They don’t seem to do what is typically considered normal, and I can’t predict them anyway. I started puberty at thirteen, but I was sixteen before I started developing a figure, and then it decided to come in so fast that I went from barely an A to a C in a month. A few years later, strangely uncomfortable in my bras, I went to buy new ones. Oh, hey, I was a D.
Fast forward three years. Deja vu. Uncomfy bras, go in for new, discover I’m bigger. I had hit DD.
Another few years (I was about twenty-seven by that point) and I had been losing weight. My bras were uncomfortable, and I again, figured they were just old. Went in for new ones.
Yup. I was a DDD.
Shoot forward to around my thirtieth. Still slowly losing weight, and, yep, deja vu AGAIN. When I measured out to 36F, the nice sales lady told me that this was because of the weight loss–it does happen to some women–and could increase if I keep losing weight. NOT WHAT I WANT TO HEAR, Y’ALL. I’m GOOD. DONE. *looks down at chest* Cut that shit out!
Hey! You guys remember what happened earlier this year? Involuntary loss of twenty pounds that I’ve since been able to keep off in a healthy manner?
So, my bras have been uncomfortable . . .
Now, bearing in mind I was wearing a 38DDD because 36F is hard to find within budget, and there are some lingerie stores where when they measure you, they either don’t do it right, or they think all boobs are equal. (No, I canNOT just get a bigger band size to compensate for the cup. I went with 38DDD out of necessity, but the band was always loose even on the tightest setting, the straps did the work and left dents on my shoulders, and my breasts themselves were STILL always pinched.) I realized I couldn’t handle it anymore, and it was time for emergency expenditure. My close friend Kelleigh had recently gone in to a small lingerie business in town and said they were wonderful. They got her a proper size in super cute styles. (She’s in the Busty Club too.)
I was in that area for an eye appointment, so I went on in. The place is named At Last and is on Arena Blvd for those in the Sacramento Area. The ladies were awesome, and they made me feel really comfortable despite being there to discuss my boobs. I told them that I was in a 38DDD but should be a 36F. The wonderful gal at the shop took one look at me without my shirt and went, “I don’t think you’re an F.” She measured me and then came back with a *drumroll* 36G.
Yep. It fit. Perfectly. The band does the work, the straps don’t cut in, and my boobs aren’t squished. For comparison, here’s a side-by-side of one of the old bras and the new. You can see my problem.
I would like to also say, IT’S SO PREEEEETTY! Purple and silver with little buttons. *ee!* It had matching undies, too. And considering I’ve never owned a matching set of lingerie, I am entitled to my excitement. It had matching undies, too. I ended up buying three bras with matching bottoms. Cost me a pretty penny on my credit card, but, damn it, I couldn’t handle what I was wearing any longer. I also felt a crazy sense of self-confidence while wearing the sets, and if you know me, that’s STRANGE.
The other day, as I got dressed and put on one of my new sets, the following thoughts went through my mind in order:
1. Bras that support you from the band not the strap are actually COMFORTABLE.
2. Bras that support you from the band actually give extra lift to your boobs.
3. I can’t wear anything remotely snug on top without looking like a Playboy bunny.
4. If I can trim my waist up, I will FEEL like a Playboy bunny.
5. I can wear a Spanx to get there sooner.
6. If I slim my waist via Spanx and wear a snug shirt, I will officially be in the scientifically proven range that nets 30 to 40% more tips for waitresses.
7. This might also net me more sales. I should do this at a convention just to see.
All that from a comfortable/well-made/properly fitting bra that paired with matching undies makes me feel pretty damn fantastic.
I think I am scared by the power of coordinating lingerie.
Now available for pre-order! SHADOW ON THE SEA, a new short story with angels, destined love, and just a hint of ancient evil! (Kindle) Print and Kindle will both release on May 16, 2015.
If you love romance in the form of faerie tales with a modern twist, you should check out THE SHAUGHNESSY FILE (Kindle) (Nook). Prefer your romance with some high fantasy? Grab CHRONICLE OF DESTINY (Kindle) and it’s sequel, CHRONICLE OF SUMMER (Kindle). Read them and loved them? Give me a review! I love hearing from fans.